Single Men’s Advertisement Statements Found in a Christian Dating Website

Single Men’s Advertisement Statements Found in a Christian Dating Website

Monday, Monday, so good to me.  Monday late afternoon.  I am bored and decide to entertain myself with seeking the most vacuous statements I can find on personal dating sites.  Tired of Craigs List, so this time I take a left turn at Albuquerque and decide to look at a Christian dating site.  For your reading pleasure…

Are you the Queen who gonna switch off my breath.  (What?  Check, please!)

I am a man who is looking at life in a new paradigm.  (Uh-oh.  One of those people who loves the word “paradigm” and probably uses it a lot.  Probably a guy with a large ego.)

Christian Doctor looking for some new patience. (Initially, I thought the wordplay was cute.  Then I noticed he only had a master’s degree and was an engineer.  Why claim to be a doctor in your headline?  Misleading information to capture a reader is not a good way to make a first impression in my book, even if it was unintentional.)

Looking for the right man.  (A perfect example of why it’s important to proofread what you write before you post it.  Remember that this headline was on a Christian dating website and the profile belongs to a man.  Talk about one gigantic oops!  And yes, for those who wonder, once you open and read it, he talks about looking for a gentle woman, blah, blah, blah, female, woman, female…so yeah, his profile title designed to catch attention certain does exactly what it’s intended to do.  Too funny and sadly pathetic all at the same time.)

I’m simple, but i have big dreams.  (Keep dreaming, simple man.)

An Adventurous Photo Guy (Not for nothing, but this sounds more than mildly disturbing.  Ew.  Creeptacular.)

A NICE,COSMOPLITAN AND GOD FEARING ADVENTIST  (First, lose the all-caps typing.  Stop shouting at women.  Second, use spell-check.  Third, I just so happen to love theology and I know without a doubt that Seventh-day Adventists don’t really enforce a fear of God on their adherents, but rather reinforce a loving, forgiving God.  Hmm.  Pay attention at church and learn your religion, son.)

it’s only true love that can make a woman smile…  (What a shame.  Imagine me smiling for almost anything, almost any reason, sometimes for no reason at all.  What was I thinking?)

… with an openly loving heart just trying find yah that sweet one.  (Oh my perfect pimp, I have found thee and I love thee and I shall never let thee go.  Not.)

A fairly simple and down to earth guy thats has been through alot!   (First, if you’ve been through “alot” then you’re not fairly simple.  Possibly a nit, but not fairly simple.  None of us are simple, actually—we’ve all been through a lot.  Frankly, it’s what makes people more interesting and much wiser.  The complexity and depth of character created by “going through a lot” makes a man, or woman, more appealing.  Shout out to our innate abilities to learn and persevere!)

I am patient and calm always, although I enjoy excitement and new things.   (Translation:  I’m a boring person and hope you can provide me fun and entertainment because I’m too milquetoast to do it myself.)

Kinko said: Happy wife, Happy Life!  (Kinko?  Why is it that it’s so easy to make a sexual innuendo out of nearly anything.  Is it just me?)

I am looking to do Gods work.  (Are you asking for permission from someone?  What are you waiting for, no-brainer signs of the apocalypse?  Whoa!  Crap, Jesus is coming way sooner than I thought, so I better get busy doing God’s work!  So just do it already, don’t just look to do it.  That’s like me thinking about exercising.  Yeah.  I think about it.)

This is Me. No one else but ME.  (Good, or else I’d think you were Sybil’s brother.)

i wish i could find my soul mate here..  (Translation:  obviously, distressingly desperate.)

What if I have the 2nd DNA half of your kids?  (What are you, Tracy Morgan?  Somebody gonna get pregnant!)

If you are real Human, please apply here !  (I don’t really need to say anything here do I?  Lol…)

Personal Commentary:

(1)  I notice that there were a lot of men “looking for (their) rib”.  Try a restaurant.  A woman, any woman, is certainly not a “rib”, let alone yours.  Be clever, not offensively obnoxious, please.  Oh, you were trying to be clever?  FAIL!

(2)  You can always tell the fakes on any kind of dating site:  it amazes me how many “real people” with any kind of postgraduate education type their adverts in all lower case, no punctuation, partial text-speak, run-on sentences, and/or misspelled words.  You’d think the phonies fishing lonely, gullible people for money with fake ads would at least make better attempts.  Wait.  Now that I think about it, I’ve reconsidered.  It’s better that they suck.

2 Responses to “Single Men’s Advertisement Statements Found in a Christian Dating Website”

  1. Penny, as always you crack me up. I had everyone in the house reading it because I was laughing so hard. Keep it up girl

  2. This is hilarious…I have folds in my stomach laughing and rolling … ha ha ha

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